The New Haven Pride Center, in addition to sponsoring our performance, were wonderful enough to interview us of our fears on identity and performance:
On October 15th, Dysphoric Cyborgs, a transgender duo featuring activists and artists elliott harvey and Adelaide Windsome, will be performing at the United Church on the Green, in downtown New Haven, CT. The show is sponsored by the New Haven Pride Center. We reached out to elliott and Adelaide, and asked them to shed some light on this month’s newsletter theme of “Facing Your Fears”:
NHPC: What kinds of fears did the two of you have to overcome to embrace your identity? Have you overcome these fears, or do you continue to struggle with them?
Adelaide: I have more insecurities [than actual fears] that are based on being in public or with family, as far as acceptance or being viewed as different or abnormal. This becomes fodder for my performance; how I think people may view me gets wrapped up in my imagination and transforms into something manageable, yet somewhat surreal.
elliott: Coming out to myself and others as being male has always been scary. As a feminist I always struggled to be proud of being a woman, but I had to accept that was not who I was and that didn’t mean I was a traitor.
NHPC: Along those lines, how difficult was it for you to embrace your identity?
Adelaide: I feel very at home in my identity. I can not separate it from the rest of myself [or] my body, my artwork. The trouble is in embracing people’s difficulty in embracing my identity.
elliott: It was harder to discover my identity than it was to embrace it. As a trans guy who has never been butch or masculine and has mostly been attracted to men, I didn’t have a lot of clues to help me figure out what was going on.
NHPC: How has this experience shaped your art and your live performances?
Adelaide: As an activist and educator, I want to relate many different social justice issues through my artwork, but certain spaces find it hard to look past that I am queer and trans. I started to center my work around my identity and use that as a basis to discuss larger issues, so that being transgender is always visible but not a singular issue.
elliott: The biggest way being trans has shaped my music is my relationship with my voice. [In my thoughts] my internal voice is deep [but] when I sing I am a soprano. People have described my voice as “haunting” and I think that is because singing feels like a strange out-of-body experience. The reason why I am not taking testosterone is that I don’t want my singing voice to change. That makes being a songwriter bittersweet, and I feel more committed to my music because I’m sacrificing so much for it.
NHPC: Are there any kinds of fears that the two of you help each other with?
Adelaide: Being transgender, it is easy to feel isolated or insane because that is what much of the world thinks of you or wants you to be. At times you go a bit crazy. elliott has helped me understand this craziness as frustration and how to cope. He has provided endless support for me.
elliott: Adelaide has helped me to believe that artistic projects are worthwhile, when I consistently fear that, with everything going on in the world, it’s a waste of time.
NHPC: Adelaide, what is elliott’s biggest fear that you help him through?
Adelaide: I think, especially on tour, it’s easy for your mind to wander and worry. elliott’s mind has perpetual wanderlust and sometimes my role is being the pillar of focus.
NHPC: elliott, what is Adelaide’s biggest fear that you help her through?
elliott: Being a working artist can be stressful for Adelaide at times, and I try to help her step back, put things in perspective, and laugh when times get tough.
NHPC: Do you still face any kind of lingering “stage fright” type of fear?
Adelaide: Yes, I totally do, but it gives me a bit of an adrenaline rush before performing. It augments my performance rather than paralyzes it.
elliott: I get stage fright when I challenge myself to do things differently and I try to channel it into the energy I bring to the stage.
NHPC: What advice would you have for other people who are struggling with overcoming their fears about embracing their own true identities?
Adelaide: You are who you are and you are never alone. It doesn’t necessarily get easier, but you get better at coping and you build a support network as you go.
elliott: You know yourself more than anyone else knows you. Don’t be afraid of what other people will say, think, or do. Be true to yourself.
NHPC: What can we expect of your October 15th New Haven show at the Church on the Green?
Adelaide: Each show is so unique and the energy of the audience is vital. We both like and hope to expand views on transgender identity and what the artistic process looks like.
elliott: We are looking forward to the opportunity to use art to connect with other people in the LGBTQ community.
Geppetta @ Social Justice Center Albany
